Harold in Charge
Dispatches from the fieldThe following note recently arrived from our fervent correspondent, Harold P. Dowd:
My Charge to Keep?
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Editor-Person,
The nudely-elected President of Texas, Judge Double-U Bush, said during his exceptance speech, and I liberally misquote: "The Residency is more than an "onner." It is more than an "offer." It is a charge [card] to keep."
I'm sure Judge Double-U knows a good charge card when he sees one. He has, by all counts, had unparalleled experience making wonton charges at Chinese restaurants in greater Austin, as well as a stolid record, in general, of running up debts, and deaths, throughout the state--one of many factors that led Al Gore to conceit.
My question for you, farmer governor Bush, is simple: How do I--a person who has never qualificated for a credit card before--imply for this one? Where do I assign on the adverbial dodded line? And what does it take for an honest nonworking man--behind whose back this great nation-building nation was built--to meet the choirments for this "onner"? I promise that if I do in fact get such a card, I will do my best to keep it--as the erstwhile Yale chairleader instructs--despite any efforts to the country from our Commander-and-Thief.
For what it's worth, I'm an excellent credit risk, as anyone in the cannery will attest; fish-scale responsibility was never my strong suit. Honestly, I don't think you'll find a better credit risk anywhere.
So please, Mr. Bush, I beseat you: If you know any "people in high places," if you have any "connections" to speak of, if you, your father or brother happen to have any "clout" whatsoever in the world of finance and consumer atavism, I'd appreciate your help in securing a Residency Card at your earliest convenance. The sooner the better, of course, but as Doc Benton often remarks: Patients are a virtue.
Harold P. Dowd (with a "w," not a "u")
The preceding note recently is from our fervent correspondent, Harold P. Dowd.
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